Perhaps the greatest lessons of my life have revolved around the slogan of the recovery movement: “Let Go and Let God”—a notion that involves relinquishing ego’s attachment to, or fear of, something. The single most pronounced attachment for most of us during the morning of our lives is the attachment to being right! There’s nothing ego loves more than to be right, which makes it an important and satisfying attachment to practice letting go of.
I seriously doubt that there’s anyone reading this who hasn’t engaged in arguing about trivial matters that turned into disagreements, which had a net effect of following a road of self-righteous anger. And all of it probably seemed to be for no reason other than the need, the desire, to be right! Eventually we may look back with wistful amusement, realizing now that our fear of actually being wrong was so strong then that another person’s opinion could energize this unwanted feeling. Ego’s strategy was to be right no matter what, a highly successful maneuver that effectively distracted us from genuine purpose. Letting go of an attachment to being right can be a fairly simple exercise.
So how can you choose to let go and let God, in a quest to eliminate an attachment to being right? You can handle it with these simple words spoken to another—You’re right about that. It stems from a soulful decision you make that when given the choice between being right and being kind—you’ll always choose to be kind. Saying “you’re right about that” will gradually open the entry point to a road that leads through letting go and letting God to experiencing a more significant life.
Part of the meaning we gain by letting go is a movement toward real contentment. Most stress in our lives results from hanging on to beliefs that keep us striving for more, because ego stubbornly believes we need it. When we make the shift away from attachment, the influence of our ego fades. We replace attachment with contentment. Chasing and striving—and then becoming attached to what we chased after—is a source of anxiety that feeds Ambition, but it won’t satisfy the need for Meaning at our soul level.
Recently I’ve been writing a lot about the power of surrender. It’s something I’m extremely passionate about, and it’s something I know can change your lives for the better. I’ve been in the dating and relationship coaching business for a long time, and my journey has seen many twists and turns along the way.
When I first started out, I was the guy who taught men who lacked social skills how to meet women. That was the whole business. Teaching guys how to meet women. Then through the years, I saw how much women struggled to understand men, so I began teaching women the simplicities of men.
As the business has evolved, and I’ve gotten older, wiser, and smarter, I’ve realized the power of surrender is what brought me to where I am today, and now each day I work on embracing that surrender and taking what life brings me.
I’m almost certain my daughter being born did this to me. At first, I felt like she took away the freedom I thought I needed in life. Now, even when I have the freedom I think to myself, “Maybe I should just go home and connect with her. I just want to be the father figure she needs, and to keep learning from her and sharing my love with her.
I surrendered to life, instead of focusing on what I thought it had taken away. I’ve learned that my daughter has inspired me to take an even more spiritual path in life. Now, I know surrendering to what life delivers is the key to everything. Now I surrender to the people I meet, becoming 100 percent honest, open, and authentic with everyone I meet. I surrender to the situations I find myself in. Once again being 100 percent open to whatever comes my way.
Whatever path you believe you’re supposed to be on, you have to date with an open heart. Don’t try to change someone into the person you think you want them to be. Trying to change anyone to be your idea of perfect is a very dangerous thing to do. In fact, I’m going to say something to you now, which I really want you to think about and remember very carefully…
Love is a journey not a destination!
Forget this very tail you have in your mind. Forget your exact template for the perfect man. It’s great to know the TYPE of man you want to be with, but stop trying to change the men you meet into your fairytale, and accept nobody, including you is perfect. You have to learn to surrender and to let go of this amazing love story you have in your mind. If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you happy, don’t try to change them into someone that does make you happy. Surrender to the fact they’re not right for you, and let them go.
Learning how to let someone go is one of the greatest lessons we all need to learn. How many times do we get stuck in relationships that no longer work, yet we keep thinking to ourselves, “If only I could get them to change. If only I could get him to understand how I feel. He’s so close to being what I need. But it still doesn’t feel right.”
The moment you learn to surrender and let go, is the second you start to feel more in tune with who you are. The moment you learn to surrender and let go, is the moment you free your energy from a negative relationship. How many times have you been with someone, and you’ve thought to yourself, “Maybe if I give him great sex he’ll treat me better, or become the man I want him to be.”
How often does it work out? Still you hear his excuses. He wants to give you more but he can’t. He’s having a tough time at work. When things calm down he’ll be with you all the time. For some reason you still buy into these excuses because you want him to be right, instead of surrendering to the fact he’ll never be right for you.
Letting go of a relationship that isn’t working is the best thing you can ever do. I know it’s hard to let someone go, even when life is telling you to surrender and let go. You’ve invested time and effort into someone. You’ve created a fairy story in your head that you desperately want to believe in. You want it to work so badly, you’ve stopped surrendering to your powerful instincts.
I speak to women who have invested 14 years of their lives with one man, and some who have invested 14 months, but if you go back and think about the relationship you left behind, you’ll see it was over long before you surrendered and let go. If you’d have only let go earlier, you probably wouldn’t still be picking up the pieces, and you wouldn’t be so beaten up.
Life only delivers what we need, when we need it. When life is telling you you’re in a relationship that’s no good for you, you have to listen and surrender. The moment you surrender to life and let go, is the moment you become free to be who you are, and to learn the next amazing lesson that life takes you on. You’ll be free to meet the real star of your fairytale.